Today is my Grandparent's 61st wedding anniversary. That's NOT a typo. 61 YEARS. Together. They got married in 1950 in Los Angeles, California (where we are from). They have had good times, bad times, extremely bad times... they toughed it out when most people would have said "Screw this" and shot the other one. They had 3 kids and have 6 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren. Of course neither of them is perfect. He's one of those "my way or your an idiot" kind of guys and she's a very liberal, hard-working, out spoken but passive-aggressive (well, she used to be before the stroke a few years ago. Now she's pretty quiet, but has no filter, so conversations are always fun!).
So, Happy 61st Anniversary to two truly amazing people. I'm amazed every day by your love and devotion to each other, how you honor the vows and committments you made... but mostly that you didn't strangle one other 30 years ago! ;)
Seriously, though, you are both an inspiration and a testament to what a little hard work and a lot of love can overcome.
Much love to you both,
~Your First (and favorite?) Granddaughter xoxoxo
October 28, 2011
October 27, 2011
Say it ain't so...
Seriously. Someone please tell me WHAT I did to Karma?! Cuz I am like super, super sorry about it. Both kids are sick... pretty sure it's "just" a sinus infection. Ok, I can handle the runny, snotty noses. The coughing in my face. Even a little whining (they don't feel well, after all and I did say a *little*). But last night The Husband went to bed at 8:55. No joke - it wasn't even 9 o'clock! I knew something was wrong. Then he says the 4 words every woman dreads to hear from their husbands... "I think I'm sick". NOOOOOOOO! No, no, no, you cannot be sick!
Having The Husband sick is like having TWO extra kids. The whining, crying, whining, snotty nose, whining, coughing... it's almost enough to make me roofie his ass so he passes out and wakes up 2 days later, totally fine and unaware of what has happened. If the kids get sick and it doesn't get better, I take them to the doctor. I give them medicine. I make them take a nap. I make sure they drink fluids and eat. The Husband lays around moaning and groaning, won't eat (unless food magically appears in front of him), refuses to drink anything except soda, and getting him to go to the doctor... well, let's just say I have an easier time convincing The Boy to eat broccoli. He parks himself on the big chair in my living room and falls asleep, snoring and hacking and it drives.me.fecking.in.sane!! He managed to get himself some cold medicine and leave for work today, but when he came home 7 hours later, he hadn't eaten anything all day! When I told him to get a sandwich he said "Eh. Nevermind." For reals?!
Does anyone know what happens if Mommy gets sick? No, of course not. Because nothing changes. Mommy still cooks, cleans, takes the kids to school, changes diapers, does the laundry... she just does it grumpier-er than usual and with half as much sleep as she usually gets (Wait, what's half of nothing? I'm really bad with math). But heaven forbid if Daddy gets sick. My sole purpose in life, when he is sick, is to bow down and serve his sick ass. He's going to get served alright.
Someone say a prayer for me please... or maybe you should say a prayer for The Husband, so he lives to see another day.
And for goodness sake, go get a flu shot. Adios, people.
Does anyone know what happens if Mommy gets sick? No, of course not. Because nothing changes. Mommy still cooks, cleans, takes the kids to school, changes diapers, does the laundry... she just does it grumpier-er than usual and with half as much sleep as she usually gets (Wait, what's half of nothing? I'm really bad with math). But heaven forbid if Daddy gets sick. My sole purpose in life, when he is sick, is to bow down and serve his sick ass. He's going to get served alright.
Someone say a prayer for me please... or maybe you should say a prayer for The Husband, so he lives to see another day.
And for goodness sake, go get a flu shot. Adios, people.
September 19, 2011
Baby I Got Yo' Money...
Can I just take a minute and thank all of the amazing, thoughtful and efficient waiters and waitresses out there? It's not easy serving people, especially when it comes to food, and you are the BEST. Thank You for taking such good care of me and my messy family!! If I could, I'd tip you 100%. :)
Now, to the rest of the idiots working in restaurants out there - you know the ones, the waiters and waitresses that don't really want to be there, but are too damn lazy to find another job (or one that starts after 1pm!). The college drop outs that just don't want to do any work and enjoy snorting or smoking something out behind the dumpster before work, during a break, after putting in your order, after work, really whenever they get bored because they don't take their Ritalin. The dumb chicks with an IQ roughly the same as their shoe size. I'm not exaggerating either.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that if there are young kids at the table, you should probably wake the feck up and pay attention to your surroundings! Stuff you do with a table full of teenagers or grown ups cannot be done to a table with small kids. And you don't have to be a parent to know these few simple things. I call it the "How to Ensure a Great Tip" list:
1. If you put a 32oz glass full of ice and freezing cold carbonated liquid in front of a 2 year old, that glass and all of its contents will be on the floor, an adult and the now screaming 2 year old before you are done handing out straws. Give the kids their kiddie cups FIRST and then place the grown up drinks AWAY from the little ones.
2. Kids can only play with a piece of paper and 2 crayons for about 5, 10 minutes tops, depending on their age. Bring the kids more crayons and a basket of chips or breadsticks. This will give you another 5ish minutes. This is plenty of time to get orders filled and entered, I have seen it done countless times. And don't ask if they want more chips or something else to drink, JUST.KEEP.BRINGING.IT!
3. If one of the Parent's starts ordering by saying "Can we get the kids food as soon as it's ready, before our food comes?" then LISTEN to the word BEFORE. Not WITH their food, not AFTER their food, BEFORE. And not 30 seconds before. Like a good 5 minutes, so that Mom can cut everything up and swap out the pickles and add 90lbs of ketchup so that she can actually eat a hot fecking meal for a change.
4. Before you actually head out to the table with the kids food, stop and check it. If the plate is hot, then the food is hot. Have you ever seen a 2 year old pick up a steaming hot piece of pizza and start munching away? No! You've probably never seen a grown man do it either, because your mouth doesn't like scalding hot food. And my ears don't like the sound of a toddler screaming at the top of his lungs because he burned off all of his taste buds. And it defeats the purpose of bringing the kids food early, since Mom will spend all 5 minutes getting dizzy blowing air all over the plates and trying to use ice cubes to cool it off without making a watery cheeseburger. Hot food = Screaming Kids, No Tip. Warm food = Happy Kids, Good Tip. P.S. The Chef (my brother) told me the fancy places put the kids food on a pre-chilled plate. Now THAT is a smart idea! :)
5. Bring extra napkins. Extra paper towels. Extra linen. Extra hand-wipes. Don't wait around, don't ask, just bring them when you deliver the drinks and bring more about 5 minutes after we start eating. It'll be easier to clean up the napkins than to clean what was done on, around and under the table, trust me.
6. If you don't like kids, don't want kids, can't stand kids... SWITCH TABLES with another waiter for feck's sake! Don't act all depressed and rude and obnoxious because we chose not to ruin our dining room floor that night and now you have to carry food to our table. I didn't ask you to sit down and feed me my soup, so grow the hell up. Either suck it up and be nice or swap tables with someone who doesn't mind side-stepping the half-chewed cheese scattered around the high chair.
So there you have it. These are the top 6 things that are important to us, anyway. If you have more to add to this list, feel free to comment below!
Adios, people.
Now, to the rest of the idiots working in restaurants out there - you know the ones, the waiters and waitresses that don't really want to be there, but are too damn lazy to find another job (or one that starts after 1pm!). The college drop outs that just don't want to do any work and enjoy snorting or smoking something out behind the dumpster before work, during a break, after putting in your order, after work, really whenever they get bored because they don't take their Ritalin. The dumb chicks with an IQ roughly the same as their shoe size. I'm not exaggerating either.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that if there are young kids at the table, you should probably wake the feck up and pay attention to your surroundings! Stuff you do with a table full of teenagers or grown ups cannot be done to a table with small kids. And you don't have to be a parent to know these few simple things. I call it the "How to Ensure a Great Tip" list:
1. If you put a 32oz glass full of ice and freezing cold carbonated liquid in front of a 2 year old, that glass and all of its contents will be on the floor, an adult and the now screaming 2 year old before you are done handing out straws. Give the kids their kiddie cups FIRST and then place the grown up drinks AWAY from the little ones.
2. Kids can only play with a piece of paper and 2 crayons for about 5, 10 minutes tops, depending on their age. Bring the kids more crayons and a basket of chips or breadsticks. This will give you another 5ish minutes. This is plenty of time to get orders filled and entered, I have seen it done countless times. And don't ask if they want more chips or something else to drink, JUST.KEEP.BRINGING.IT!
3. If one of the Parent's starts ordering by saying "Can we get the kids food as soon as it's ready, before our food comes?" then LISTEN to the word BEFORE. Not WITH their food, not AFTER their food, BEFORE. And not 30 seconds before. Like a good 5 minutes, so that Mom can cut everything up and swap out the pickles and add 90lbs of ketchup so that she can actually eat a hot fecking meal for a change.
4. Before you actually head out to the table with the kids food, stop and check it. If the plate is hot, then the food is hot. Have you ever seen a 2 year old pick up a steaming hot piece of pizza and start munching away? No! You've probably never seen a grown man do it either, because your mouth doesn't like scalding hot food. And my ears don't like the sound of a toddler screaming at the top of his lungs because he burned off all of his taste buds. And it defeats the purpose of bringing the kids food early, since Mom will spend all 5 minutes getting dizzy blowing air all over the plates and trying to use ice cubes to cool it off without making a watery cheeseburger. Hot food = Screaming Kids, No Tip. Warm food = Happy Kids, Good Tip. P.S. The Chef (my brother) told me the fancy places put the kids food on a pre-chilled plate. Now THAT is a smart idea! :)
5. Bring extra napkins. Extra paper towels. Extra linen. Extra hand-wipes. Don't wait around, don't ask, just bring them when you deliver the drinks and bring more about 5 minutes after we start eating. It'll be easier to clean up the napkins than to clean what was done on, around and under the table, trust me.
6. If you don't like kids, don't want kids, can't stand kids... SWITCH TABLES with another waiter for feck's sake! Don't act all depressed and rude and obnoxious because we chose not to ruin our dining room floor that night and now you have to carry food to our table. I didn't ask you to sit down and feed me my soup, so grow the hell up. Either suck it up and be nice or swap tables with someone who doesn't mind side-stepping the half-chewed cheese scattered around the high chair.
So there you have it. These are the top 6 things that are important to us, anyway. If you have more to add to this list, feel free to comment below!
Adios, people.
August 25, 2011
Shake, Shake, Shake...
We had an earthquake Tuesday. A Mutherfekking earthquake. THIS was the SOLE reason I chose NOT to live in California after breaking up with Stoner Jay. I am Terrified of these things. Seriously, like hysterically crying, throwing up, hiding under the table terrified. There was a huge earthquake in LA when I was little and I remember running and diving head first under my Abuela's kitchen table and then not wanting to come out. Ever. It took her about an hour to get me to come out.
Luckily I had put the short people down for a much needed nap before this current one hit. The Boy was passed out in the middle of our bed surrounded by open air (my laziness paid off for a change, since I have never bothered to hang any pictures up in our room!) and when I checked on The Girl in the video monitor, she was sitting up in her crib, looking around. Then about 5 seconds later, she grabbed her dog and passed the hell out. I picked up the phone and called The Husband on his cell phone. I could tell he thought I was over-reacting... I had immediately started freaking out, crying and skaking and asking him where he was and yelling "That's not supposed to happen here!!!" He was concerned about me (probably losing my mind) and didn't say much beyond, "You're ok, I'll be home soon" but at the same time, I could tell he was very excited that he had just been in an earthquake. The first thing he did when he came home... care to guess? Hug me? Give me a kiss? Reassure me that he was there and could protect me by turning into Superman? Nope. He turned on the TV and watched all the news reports and kept saying "Wow! My 1st earthquake!" I almost kicked him in the nuts.
A few days and some aftershocks later, I am still here. But I'm not so sure I like this state anymore. And if the earthquake wasn't enough, now there's a crazy bitch named IRENE making all kinds of noise and threatening to wreck shit. I mean, really... there's only so much a lazy wife can take.
So try to stay safe. Don't forget to buy water and toilet paper. Adios, people.
Luckily I had put the short people down for a much needed nap before this current one hit. The Boy was passed out in the middle of our bed surrounded by open air (my laziness paid off for a change, since I have never bothered to hang any pictures up in our room!) and when I checked on The Girl in the video monitor, she was sitting up in her crib, looking around. Then about 5 seconds later, she grabbed her dog and passed the hell out. I picked up the phone and called The Husband on his cell phone. I could tell he thought I was over-reacting... I had immediately started freaking out, crying and skaking and asking him where he was and yelling "That's not supposed to happen here!!!" He was concerned about me (probably losing my mind) and didn't say much beyond, "You're ok, I'll be home soon" but at the same time, I could tell he was very excited that he had just been in an earthquake. The first thing he did when he came home... care to guess? Hug me? Give me a kiss? Reassure me that he was there and could protect me by turning into Superman? Nope. He turned on the TV and watched all the news reports and kept saying "Wow! My 1st earthquake!" I almost kicked him in the nuts.
A few days and some aftershocks later, I am still here. But I'm not so sure I like this state anymore. And if the earthquake wasn't enough, now there's a crazy bitch named IRENE making all kinds of noise and threatening to wreck shit. I mean, really... there's only so much a lazy wife can take.
So try to stay safe. Don't forget to buy water and toilet paper. Adios, people.
August 23, 2011
Welcome to the Family... please don't die.
Damn... I'm so lazy, I don't even update my blog about being lazy. HA! Actually it was another crazy week here at Chateau Broke. Because he finally did it. After months and months and months and months (really, I could keep going)... The Husband.Bought.A.Car!!!
So he will be driving around (only when he goes to work since he's on restriction per the state) in this sleek little sexy thing and will save all kinds of gas because it gets like 5x better gas mileage than my newly inherited Big Blue Beast. Just FYI, Big Blue Beast is a 2002 SUV with a V8 engine... and he's blue. The minute we saw him, I called him Hank [5 points if you're as geeky as me and can tell me what that reference is from] and he gets 13 mpg. So glad I have a job to pay for my gas bill... oh, wait... feck. Sorry kids, no fruit this week, Hank needs a few gallons!
So I was trying to come up with a really good name for this new beauty and realized I have always named my cars. Because I'm a dork like that. Usually by their color, sometimes for other reasons. Here's the list, just for fun:
"Lemons" - My very first car! I had Lemons for 2 glorious weeks. I bought it with cash from a shady guy with burn scars all over him in a shady part a nasty little town. But it was kind of cute. '89 Accord hatchback. The AC worked. 2 weeks into it, I was 1 mile from my house, ONE mile... and it died. There was a huge creaky/cracky/clacky noise and then POOF, it ran out of steam... and then ACTUALLY steamed. Turns out they sold me a car with almost NO.OIL. When a car runs out of oil and you keep driving it, you can crack the engine. And apparently a new engine costs a lot of money and takes awhile to do. Who knew? Unfortunately I bought the car "as-is" and there wasn't anything I could do.
"Loaner" - My grandma had a little blue Subaru something from 1980-something that was 5-speed. My ex-fiancee (Stoner Jay) was the only one that could drive it and that only lasted for about 3 weeks, when the shifter thingy fell down through the car and onto the street. I'm told they aren't supposed to do that. Loaner was donated to charity. Or the dump, I'm not really sure.
"Blue" - A 1990 Camry with 130,000 miles that was bought on auction by Stoner Jay without looking under the hood. She ran for almost 2 years and we never changed the oil, tires, washer fluid, etc. and it never gave us a problem. Stoner Jay drove around a curve too quickly in a rainstorm and flipped it upside down. On Valentine's Day. After proposing to me earlier that night. He was fine. Blue was not.
"Morrie" - He belonged to my grandparents and was a 1993 Dodge Colt. I loved Morrie. He taught me how to drive, how to parallel park, he got me across the country, he survived 2 blizzards and every time I put the key in the ignition, he started right up. I took good care of him and if it hadn't been for that crazy lady from the "country" not paying attention to the traffic lights in the "big city" (her words) Morrie wouldn't have died a horrible, head-on death. :(
"Redd" - Here's her tribute. She died unexpectedly almost a year ago and it has made me realize that the men in my life should NEVER.BE.ALLOWED.TO.DRIVE.MY.CARS!
So, Hank, it's up to you to keep me and the short people safe now. And I promise to take good care of you and not let The Husband drive you too much, especially now that he's got his as-yet-unnamed beauty. He didn't really love you as much as I do anyway. You were never good enough for him. I mean you don't have bluetooth or a radio that shows text, you guzzle gas like it's your last meal and you make a funny noise by one of the back tires. But I want you to know that I appreciate you... in spite of all of those things. And I love how big and spacious and sturdy you are. I never feel like I'm going to fly off the road when it gets hella windy because you're heavy. And this is starting to sound dirty and a little creepy, but suffice it say, I'm glad to have you back Hank.
Make it a good week. Adios, people.
So he will be driving around (only when he goes to work since he's on restriction per the state) in this sleek little sexy thing and will save all kinds of gas because it gets like 5x better gas mileage than my newly inherited Big Blue Beast. Just FYI, Big Blue Beast is a 2002 SUV with a V8 engine... and he's blue. The minute we saw him, I called him Hank [5 points if you're as geeky as me and can tell me what that reference is from] and he gets 13 mpg. So glad I have a job to pay for my gas bill... oh, wait... feck. Sorry kids, no fruit this week, Hank needs a few gallons!
So I was trying to come up with a really good name for this new beauty and realized I have always named my cars. Because I'm a dork like that. Usually by their color, sometimes for other reasons. Here's the list, just for fun:
"Lemons" - My very first car! I had Lemons for 2 glorious weeks. I bought it with cash from a shady guy with burn scars all over him in a shady part a nasty little town. But it was kind of cute. '89 Accord hatchback. The AC worked. 2 weeks into it, I was 1 mile from my house, ONE mile... and it died. There was a huge creaky/cracky/clacky noise and then POOF, it ran out of steam... and then ACTUALLY steamed. Turns out they sold me a car with almost NO.OIL. When a car runs out of oil and you keep driving it, you can crack the engine. And apparently a new engine costs a lot of money and takes awhile to do. Who knew? Unfortunately I bought the car "as-is" and there wasn't anything I could do.
"Loaner" - My grandma had a little blue Subaru something from 1980-something that was 5-speed. My ex-fiancee (Stoner Jay) was the only one that could drive it and that only lasted for about 3 weeks, when the shifter thingy fell down through the car and onto the street. I'm told they aren't supposed to do that. Loaner was donated to charity. Or the dump, I'm not really sure.
"Blue" - A 1990 Camry with 130,000 miles that was bought on auction by Stoner Jay without looking under the hood. She ran for almost 2 years and we never changed the oil, tires, washer fluid, etc. and it never gave us a problem. Stoner Jay drove around a curve too quickly in a rainstorm and flipped it upside down. On Valentine's Day. After proposing to me earlier that night. He was fine. Blue was not.
"Morrie" - He belonged to my grandparents and was a 1993 Dodge Colt. I loved Morrie. He taught me how to drive, how to parallel park, he got me across the country, he survived 2 blizzards and every time I put the key in the ignition, he started right up. I took good care of him and if it hadn't been for that crazy lady from the "country" not paying attention to the traffic lights in the "big city" (her words) Morrie wouldn't have died a horrible, head-on death. :(
"Redd" - Here's her tribute. She died unexpectedly almost a year ago and it has made me realize that the men in my life should NEVER.BE.ALLOWED.TO.DRIVE.MY.CARS!
So, Hank, it's up to you to keep me and the short people safe now. And I promise to take good care of you and not let The Husband drive you too much, especially now that he's got his as-yet-unnamed beauty. He didn't really love you as much as I do anyway. You were never good enough for him. I mean you don't have bluetooth or a radio that shows text, you guzzle gas like it's your last meal and you make a funny noise by one of the back tires. But I want you to know that I appreciate you... in spite of all of those things. And I love how big and spacious and sturdy you are. I never feel like I'm going to fly off the road when it gets hella windy because you're heavy. And this is starting to sound dirty and a little creepy, but suffice it say, I'm glad to have you back Hank.
Make it a good week. Adios, people.
August 13, 2011
It's What I Love About Him...
Can't think of a better reason to link up from Multitasking Mumma than her "It's What I Love About Him" post. Well, ok, but the wine comes in 2nd, honest. :)
I'm going to post mine a little differently, though.
To The Husband: here's a list of things that you probably didn't know...
1. You invaded my personal space within 3 seconds of meeting you and almost 9 years later, I thank God every day that you did.
2. I complain about it, but really, I like hearing about your high school days and the stuff you used to do before you met me.
3. When I see it's you on the Caller ID, before I answer, I tell the phone "Please say 'Hi Beautiful'"... and you usually do, which always makes me smile, no matter what is going on.
4. Even without your glasses on, I think you are incredibly handsome.
5. I really do prefer the goatee.
6. I'm glad you made me a Redskins fan, even if they need some major help.
7. I wouldn't change a single thing about the way either of the short people came into the world.
8. The reason his middle name is not spelled the French way on The Boy's birth certificate is because I was more concerned with getting an accent mark over the I in his first name and completely spaced out... sorry...
9. I know I used to say I didn't want a daughter, for fear she would be like me, but that was all a lie and I cried happy tears after she was born when no one was around.
10. I pray every night that you, The Boy and The Girl all wake up the next morning. I've always been afraid that you will be taken from me in my sleep.
11. I admire the hell out of you because you excel at everything you do.
12. I like that, after you teach me something (no matter how trivial), you are genuinely proud of me. It's a great feeling that I didn't get a lot of growing up.
13. I am jealous of the fact that you can have a crappy day but still manage to have a good attitude when you are done with work.
14. I see you as a good Man, a wonderful Husband and an amazing Daddy.
15. I make a point of telling the kids more than a few times a week how much you love them and that you work very hard so they can be happy.
16. If boths kids grow up to be exactly like you, I would consider it a job well done.
17. Even though I don't say it to your face often enough, I appreciate everything you sacrifice and do for this family and if it weren't for you, we simply wouldn't be.
18. Some days I really don't feel worthy of being your wife.
19. I would have said "Yes" in the restaurant. I was actually hoping you would ignore me and do it anyway.
20. I will love you... F O R E V E R.
Way Back When:
2 Kids, 9 years and a lot of fried chicken later:
Speacial Thanks to Anita, because I totally copied this from her blog. CHEERS!
I'm going to post mine a little differently, though.
To The Husband: here's a list of things that you probably didn't know...
1. You invaded my personal space within 3 seconds of meeting you and almost 9 years later, I thank God every day that you did.
2. I complain about it, but really, I like hearing about your high school days and the stuff you used to do before you met me.
3. When I see it's you on the Caller ID, before I answer, I tell the phone "Please say 'Hi Beautiful'"... and you usually do, which always makes me smile, no matter what is going on.
4. Even without your glasses on, I think you are incredibly handsome.
5. I really do prefer the goatee.
6. I'm glad you made me a Redskins fan, even if they need some major help.
7. I wouldn't change a single thing about the way either of the short people came into the world.
8. The reason his middle name is not spelled the French way on The Boy's birth certificate is because I was more concerned with getting an accent mark over the I in his first name and completely spaced out... sorry...
9. I know I used to say I didn't want a daughter, for fear she would be like me, but that was all a lie and I cried happy tears after she was born when no one was around.
10. I pray every night that you, The Boy and The Girl all wake up the next morning. I've always been afraid that you will be taken from me in my sleep.
11. I admire the hell out of you because you excel at everything you do.
12. I like that, after you teach me something (no matter how trivial), you are genuinely proud of me. It's a great feeling that I didn't get a lot of growing up.
13. I am jealous of the fact that you can have a crappy day but still manage to have a good attitude when you are done with work.
14. I see you as a good Man, a wonderful Husband and an amazing Daddy.
15. I make a point of telling the kids more than a few times a week how much you love them and that you work very hard so they can be happy.
16. If boths kids grow up to be exactly like you, I would consider it a job well done.
17. Even though I don't say it to your face often enough, I appreciate everything you sacrifice and do for this family and if it weren't for you, we simply wouldn't be.
18. Some days I really don't feel worthy of being your wife.
19. I would have said "Yes" in the restaurant. I was actually hoping you would ignore me and do it anyway.
20. I will love you... F O R E V E R.
Speacial Thanks to Anita, because I totally copied this from her blog. CHEERS!
August 11, 2011
Car Salesmen Suck. Except Jim.
Husband & Wife walk into a dealership. They are approached by a good looking (read: not skanky/slutty/whorish/24), clean, well-mannered woman who offers them a beverage and asks if she can help them.
Wife: He wrecked one of our cars [points to husband] and we need to replace it. It needs to have 4 doors, decent gas milage, be any color except red or white and a blue tooth thingy for his phone so the cops don't arrest him when he drives to DC.
Saleswoman: No problem! What's the budget look like?
Wife: I stay home with the short people, so he's the one with the job and his credit is only OK because he didn't pay off his student loans when he was single. So we'd like to pay about $17,000 out the door. Oh and we have some cash for a down payment on that price.
Saleswoman: Typical. But that's still not a problem. Let's take a look at our inventory. [Pulls up long list of cars, sorts by color, then by price, prints list.] Here's what we have on the lot right now that are ready to go. The prices on the left INCLUDE all the taxes, tags, and processing fees. We currently have 13 cars under $17,000 that fit your criteria. I also happen to have a coupon for $750 off the sales price, and we double all coupons here. There are no restrictions on it, either. Now, which color would you like to see? *smile*
Here's what actually happened:
The Husband and I go to a dealership. We stand around for 5 minutes before someone approaches us. The Husband gives the name of a guy he spoke to on the phone. Loud muffled page over the loud speaker. 5 minutes later a short, spazzy Salesman with a scruffy beard comes up and has no clue who we are or what he spoke to The Husband about. The Husband explains he found a car on their website that fits into his budget, has blue tooth, etc., etc. Salesman sits at a computer and they both look at the car online. I text my Mother back a list of acceptable foods that The Girl can have since she is currently squishing and throwing her dinner on the floor. Salesman gets up and goes to talk to the "mystery rule maker" in the back [totally dark and enclosed] office, comes back and says that said car was sold this afternoon and no one bothered to update the website. The Husband gets a look on his face like his non-existent dog died, then asks if there is another, similar car on the lot.
Salesman, The Husband and I shuffle to a different desk (apparently the internet doesn't work the same way on all the computers in the building) and Salesman brings up the inventory. He finds 1 (ONE) car that could be in the budget if the numbers work out right. Everyone traipses to the back of the lot (damn you cute black high heels!!) and we get into the car, which has been sitting there since June. I know because checked the sticker on the window. Everything is covered in plastic and it is HOT.AS.HELL. The Husband drives it up to the front, we get out and go back inside to sit at the 2nd desk.
So we went to Carmax next door. Met a nice, laid back guy named Jim. He let us look around, printed out a few cars, gave us some info, let us know they could transfer a car to that dealership from up to 250 miles away for FREE and told us to call him when we were ready to go. The Husband looked less like his dog died and more like the internet was temporarily unavailable. A few days later (today) he went online, found a car on the carmax website and requested a transfer.
That was WAY more complicated than it needed to be. You either want to sell a car or you don't. Don't waste my mother fecking time playing with the price of the car (in increments of $500) just to eek out a few bucks. Want steady money where you don't have to rely on commission? GET ANOTHER JOB!
And so, after all that... there's a chance that in the next 7 days, we could have another car! I have already promised The Boy that we would take a picnic lunch and go to the Dinosaur Park. In the middle of the day, whenever we want to, because The Husband will be able to take his own damn car to work! Yey!
I need a glass of wine. Adios, people.
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