It's always good to hear compliments and to be told when you are doing a good job and get acknowledgement for the work you do. So of course I did not hear that... instead I got a compliment wrapped in a list of all the things I do wrong. Basically I got in trouble with The Husband for being lazy. HELLO - we knew this!! Now, I'm not so lazy that my house is filthy (a little cluttered, YES, but we have been working on that). You can come in and sit down without moving papers and trash. You can walk around without stepping in something gross... ok, you may have to circumvent a few cheerios, but once I see them, I pick them up. Really. Shoes are put away (mostly, The Girl likes to play with them), toys are 99% relegated to the play area and are kept up, and the kitchen is clean more often than not. So why NOW, all of sudden, does The Husband take a look around and decide that I'm not doing a good enough job? Why does a conversation about needing a 2nd car turn into one about how I haven't gotten The Boy potty trained or the clothes put away? Why does he say that I'm not consistent and I don't set enough structure for the kids? He said he's been complaining about me not being "consistent" since before we were married. So Why NOW? Because he got a promotion. He's a manager now, in charge of 8-9 men. He's putting all those idiots in line and getting them whipped into shape, streamlining processes and getting them on track, doing things a certain way. And he took a look around his house and realized that he'd never taken the time to do that here. He's defining roles for his employees and making sure they know exactly what he expects from them. All the while never bothering to make sure his most important employee had the same information. Because we apparently have 2 different definitions of the words "clean" and "child raising". I thought we were on the same page a long time ago... he'd say a few things here and there and I'd do it, mostly. Now he says nothing and I am just expected to understand that while yes, I cleaned the kitchen, I didn't take a toothbrush and scrub underneath each cabinet and appliance. Yes, the toilet, sink and floor are clean in the bathroom, but did I take the light fixture down and scrub it out? Wash the baseboards? No, of course not. And I had no idea he wanted me to sit down individually with The Boy and The Girl for an hour or 2 each day and be their preschool teacher, MAKING them color, write their name or do puzzle. I wasn't raised that way... I played. I had fun. Yes of course I am going to teach them manners, numbers, letters, colors, shapes, etc. but you shouldn't be FORCING your children to do schoolwork at 1 and 3.5 years old. Sheesh, I mean we're not ASIAN!! And as for the consistency thing... if he's been bothered by it since before we were married then he really shouldn't be all that surprised.
So now I am supposed to create a detailed routine so that there is structure in the house. I wonder if I should type up a checklist and then leave it for him each day for him to sign off on. I don't doubt while he'd probably be "offended" that I did that, he'd actually love it and encourage me to use it. Hey... maybe I'll get a bonus. Oh wait, that's right, I don't get paid to do this... but I sure am getting punished for my behavior. We still don't have a 2nd car and I have a feeling that a big part of it is that he doesn't WANT me to have one. That would be like giving me a reward for bad behavior. Never mind that we wouldn't be down a car if he'd been responsible and not been driving drunk! He's apologized for "everything he's put us through" and for making me drive him places (he's got a restricted license from the DUI). And he's sorry that he's had to shell out money and take time off work to deal with the aftermath. But has he asked me ONCE how I'm doing? How I feel? No, of course not. According to him all I do is bitch and complain. HELLO - I'm trying to tell you how I feel about all this!! YOU try being stuck at home for 6 months (4 of them during the freezing winter) and tell me if it doesn't start to make you feel like you can't leave the house. Why bother? There are only so many times you can walk up and down the street. Our backyard is a disaster. Which I am sure is somehow my fault too.
This went from a partnership to a dictatorship really fast. And I didn't even see it coming. FML. Adios people.
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