All of the craziness with none of the wait!

June 29, 2011


The short people and I were watching a cartoon the other day on one of the new kiddie channels we got after we tossed out the satellite and got cable (bundle deal, saved us some cash). A commercial came on for a new Capt. America toy... basically it's big shield, but it shoots stuff at people. Awesome. Yeah, that's what The Boy thought. Now, he already has a Capt. America face mask AND shield... but his doesn't shoot stuff (thank God). So he sat there watching this commercial, literally NOT breathing.

When it was over he looked at me and said in one breath "Mommy!! I have to get that Captain America shield to use with my other Captain America shield because that one can shoot stuff and the other one can block stuff and then I can be the REAL Captain America." I just stared at him and said "Really?" and then he says "Yes. Let's go get one at Target." That's right, Target. My 4 year old already knows that if we really need something, you go to Target.

Oddly enough, we went there today (yes I was just there last week, don't judge, The Girl needed a refill on her meds) and I was seriously worried about what would happen when we got there. I don't ever. EVER. go near the toy section when we are there. We managed to get in and get out without any mention of any kind of superhero. Score! I even got them *both* down for a nap right now... so I'm off to read or watch a trashy soap or something while I can. Housework be damned today! Adios, people.

June 24, 2011

Non Sequitur

I am tired. So very, very tired. The Girl ended up in the ER the other day for IV fluids as well. Paid the doctor's office $25 to tell me to go to the ER. What a waste of cash. Anyway, that was like THE worst thing I have ever had to watch. But I am praying they are all better. And since we are currently day 3 with no vomit, I'm thinking we're good to go.

On the downside, I've not been sleeping much (averaging 3.5 hours per night) and it's really taking it's toll. Nothing is getting done, just shifted around. Big shock there... but really, I had started cleaning! Kind of. Mostly. And even though I've been trying to keep the living room really neat, it's destroyed in 30 seconds after the kids wake up. I like blankets. I have a few tossed around the couches. Apparently they look like tents and tunnels to the short people. Which normally I would think is really cute. But The Boy makes a tunnel or tent and then The Girl comes along, rips the blanket down and walks into the playroom with it. This elicits a lot of yelling, whining and "she took my blanket AGAIN!"

So instead of going to bed at a reasonable hour - before midnight? - I sit at the computer until late at night/early morning and try and design stuff people might actually buy. And I might look at facebook. Certain people in my family are entertaining with all their "I don't want any drama in my life" drama. But it would be nice to earn some money for a change. Feel free to send me some if you like. I'm sorry that I can't promise not to buy booze.

Well I suppose it's time to make the short people their like 4th meal of the day... seriously, one of them needs to get a job to pay for all the groceries they consume. Also, I'm getting kicked out of my office space because The Husband needs to call clients. Or watch the end of "The Price is Right" in a quiet environment. Whatever. Adios, people.

June 20, 2011

Hakuna Matata

I had to go to Target today. Yes, HAD to... we needed diapers and about $90 worth of... um. Whatever, we needed diapers. But after the craptastic weekend I was determined to not leave the house without a shower. A real shower. You know, the kind where you get to shave your legs and use conditioner. So I waited until about 9:45am when The Girl was getting worn out and The Boy was ready for his 9th snack of the morning. So I stuck The Girl in the pack and play (praying that she didn't decide to finally throw herself out of it and escape), put The Boy on the couch and turned on our new Sprout channel that The Boy is always whinning to watch. BTW, that is the strangest channel ever, nothing lasts for more than 12 minutes. I can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

Anyway, I headed upstairs and hopped in the shower and started doing my thing, making a mental list of the items needed at the store. Then I hear this weird music and The Boy opens the door yelling "Mommy? Are you still in the shower??" I yelled back that yes I was and to please close the door and go watch tv. He then say excitedly "But Mommy, I just brought you some music to relax!" And again, I hear this music. Last year for Christmas, their Titi (what we call his Godmother) bought him a book with shortened versions of disney movies... Nemo, 101 Dalmations, Jungle Book and The Lion King. Along with it was this 2 button "CD player" that played plastic 3 inch CD's with instrumental muzak versions of the popular songs. For my showering pleasure, The Boy had selected "The Lion King" - and had somehow gotten it to loop the first song over and over and over and over. By the time I said "thanks but no thanks" he was long gone.

I'm not quite sure what happened after that. The next thing I know I am rinsing off my blue scrubby loofah thing and for the life of me, I can't remember if I shaved my armpits or even washed my lady bits. I think I zoned out - or fell asleep standing up for 3 minutes! (And yes, as it turns out I had washed and shaved...) So I guess I owe The Boy a bit of Thanks. It was a good shower. And when I went downstairs, The Girl was still confined.

Little did I know that the "good day" we were all having would end with The Girl projectile vomiting all over the table at IHop during dinner. I cleaned her up as best as I could, left a fat tip and NASCARed my way home. And it was during those 5 minutes that I was in the bathroom, giving my daughter a whore bath so she didn't smell like a junkie during detox, that I realized something very important:
I hate vomit.

Adios, people.

Getting Down with the Sickness

My TiVorgasm was short lived. Ended up in the ER Friday/Saturday at the ass crack of dawn with The Boy. The Girl had puked a few times Wednesday/Thursday but I thought it was from all the drool and snot (she's teething... and snotty). The Boy was fine. Totally fine. Until 8pm Friday night when he said his tummy hurt (his code for "I'm about to shit myself") and he took off for the bathroom. He stood in the doorway and puked up about a pound of chicken lo mein. Oddly enough, it doesn't change color when it hits your stomach. Just sayin'. He then proceeded to yack every 20-30 minutes for the next hour and a half. After talking with the on-call Doc, we decided to watch him sleep, since he'd passed out in the living room next to the puke bucket. He stayed asleep for about 2 hours when he woke up and retched again. I felt bad for the little guy, he throws up violently, like I do. :(

Anyway, around 1am, The Husband decides we shouldn't watch him anymore because it's not doing any good so I got dressed and took The Boy to the ER. 5 hours, an IV, 2 belly x-rays and a cute toy bunny later (courtesy of the ER Doc), we were sent home. Nothing was really wrong with him, so it was probably viral. Just wait it out. But at least he'd been re-hydrated. Got home at 6am and staggered to bed just to hear The Girl wake up 45 minutes later. She did that not quite awake thing where they cry for a second and then are silent for 10 minutes... so I ignored her. An hour later she started howling. So I kicked The Husband out of bed and made him get her. But of course I had to go help because she'd puked on HER HEAD and had pooped. On EVERYTHING! Sheets, crib bumper, clothes. You name it, there was poop on it. So she got a 5 minute bath and then I dumped her on The Husband, who was looking kind of green. I didn't care. I wanted sleep.

5 hours later The Boy and I got up to find a very ill Husband and cranky Girl. I spent the entire weekend trapped in the house while The Husband, The Boy and The Girl took turns blowing up the bathroom or puking on my floor. By Sunday (Happy Father's Day! Want some breakfast??? No?) The Boy and The Girl seemed better - they were playing and fighting, all good signs and The Husband spent the day asleep. I tried to do as little as possible but still managed to make a nice dinner and a cake. Tomorrow (today) I've got to get cracking and disinfect the house, clean as much as possible and start getting this house in order. After 3 days of gross, sick kids I want a clean house. I deserve it. And the next time all 3 of them get sick, I'm going to the Marriott. They're nice there... they have clean sheets and a pool. Adios, people.
Feliz Dia de los Padres. Especialmente a mi esposo, el mejor papa del mundo para mis hijos. Aprecio todo lo que haces para dar a nosotros una vida buena. Te amo y deseo que te mejores rapido. xoxo besos xoxo

June 17, 2011

Season Pass

Seriously, I should just say "Honey, I want to talk about what's bothering me" more often... because apparently when The Husband hears that, he thinks "wow, she opened up to me, I should buy her a gift." And gift he did! I've got TiVo again baby!!! He said it was my belated anniversary gift. Whatever, it's in the living room!!! And it will be hooked up next week! SWEET!! I've missed my TiVo so very much! We had DirecTV, but we just moved the phone and tv over to comcast and did a bundle thingy to save some money. I'm so excited, it's like Christmas! Wait... I didn't get a Christmas present either. I wonder what I'll have to do to get one in July? Probably clean something, dammit. Ok, time to make 2 lists. "Stuff I Want" and "Stuff That Needs to be Clean ASAP." If you think I'm joking... you must be new here. Adios, people.

June 13, 2011

Summer Dreams...

So I broke down and confessed all the crap I had been ranting about in the two previous blogs to The Husband. And he said "I would probably feel the same way if I were you." HUH?! I was totally expecting to have to defend myself and argue... and he got all quiet and just listened to me. And then he just hugged me. He even let me cry without saying "don't do that!" Wow. I forget sometimes in all the day to day crap that it was little things like this that made me fall in love with him.

So it looks like we're going to start new and fresh. And I've decided to (for the most part) get up off my bum (ok, at least 2 or 3 times a day) and DO something around the house. I mean I did little things like vacuum (when the kids smashed up the their snacks), dishes (usually), dust (sometimes if the black furniture was turning grey) and laundry (it's not that hard to toss clothes around!). What I really need to do is get myself into a routine. Funny how I managed to give one (mostly) to the kids... but I just have totally neglected myself.

Well, time to get crackin. Wish me luck cuz I'm gonna need it. Being lazy is sooooo easy. Adios People.

June 9, 2011

Think, Think, Think...

Ok, so I came across a blog called "What Makes a Good Wife" and it has the 1950's version of what to do for your husband. It inlcudes items such as:

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
• Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
• Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
• Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
•A good wife always knows her place.

And I scoffed. YEAH RIGHT. Good luck honey! Pfftt... no way. I'm not going to be a door mat. Then I scrolled down to see all the comments. The *positive* comments that a wife should WANT to provide for her husband and family and if she is lucky enough to stay home, then she should do it with joy. Lots of references to Proverbs 31 in the bible, which, I'm sorry to say that I had to google because I have no clue where my bible is right now.
Here it is... Proverbs 31: 10-31.

10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Hmmm... ok. So The Bible Wife and the 50's Wife are two TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. The Bible Wife would totally kick 50's Wife's ass. I mean, the bitch is out there buying real estate and making wine. That's my kind of lady!

In all seriousness, this has really made me think. We're supposed to be a Christian family. God is important to us - that was one of the main reasons we joined and got married in the church. We wanted the church and God as part of our lives, to give our children a foundation that they could build upon when they grew up. And yes, I know, for a church going woman, I have a pretty foul mouth, but in my defense our Sr. Pastor has uttered quite a few expletives himself. So my feeling is, I can always ask for forgiveness! Huh. Ok. New thought. What makes me so special that I can ask for forgiveness, but not give it? I don't want to be one of those old, crotchety women that holds on to one mistake her husband made 25 years ago and has been tormenting him for ever since... Like my Grandma. Damn. Time to think. Adios people.

June 8, 2011

Rest in Pieces Redd

It's crazy how the smallest comment will set you off. I was on FB and noticed a friend comment that she'll be on vacation next week, but won't have her car... then proceeded to complain about how hard it would be to not have a car all week. Then her 11 year old son (also on FB - gonna rant about that soon!!) comments something like "yeah thats gonna suck". Hey, kid, you know what sucks even harder? Not having a car for SEVEN months! I know, I have beaten that horse to death, but I need to get this out once and for all. Really I am just at the point where I have zero sympathy for people that don't have a car for a few days. I totally grew up taking the bus places when there wasn't a car, and if there was one out here in podunk, I would use it!

So that car comment got me thinking about my long-gone car "Redd", which made me think of my Abuelo's (who gave it to me), which just made me sad and mad. I hated that car. It was like 2 steps below the base line model (what car doesn't come with cruise control?!) and it was that "Hey, Cop, I'm over here!" Red color that only guys in their 50's choose for their mid-life crisis "Por-shuh". But it had no payments. It was NEW (299 miles) when it came to me and IT.WAS.MINE. It was my reward for all of the bullsh!t drama I put up with putting myself through school, the late night studying, the extra long work hours, having two jobs and having to *gasp* move back in with my mother just to finish school. Getting the car was like a little sigh of relief, the one thing I didn't have to worry about. It was, symbolically, a pat on the back and a "We are proud of you!" statement from my Abuelo's. And now all that is gone. It's not doing anyone any good for me to keep complaining about not having the car anymore. So I'm going to make a conscious effort to stop. What's done is done, and I've not been dealing with it well. But whining doesn't help and it's starting to make ME crazy, so with this post, I'm letting you go, Redd. Thanks for all the trips, for always starting up when I needed you to, for always having cold or warm air for me, and for the great gas mileage. I'm truly sorry I didn't appreciate you more. R.I.P.
Me & Redd on Day 1. The extra "D" was the only extra this car had. ;)

June 7, 2011

School's Out... dammit.

Wow. Two months flew by since I posted last. My bad! In my defense, I got un-lazy for a while. I started cleaning, cooking, and getting out of the house a little bit because The Husband's job lets him work from home a few times a week now. Which was all great... until the pipe above the water heater blew up. I discovered it at about 7:00am on a Thursday in early May. The only time I have ever been thankful that The Girl woke up earlier than usual! There was so much water in the basement, we could have let the kids play in it. So the water was shut off and I waited for a plumber. And I waited. And I waited. For NINE HOURS!!! WHO makes a SAHM with 2 small kids wait NINE hours to get the water turned back on?! I was FURIOUS. But The Husband didn't think there was anything wrong with that. Apparently I don't understand the service industry and that it takes time to respond to an emergency. Really? What was I supposed to do if one of my kids puked? Or took a massive shit... which The Boy DID on the way home from school!!! Thank GOD for my neighbor (big props to Mrs. W!!!) - she gave me a key to her house for emergencies and I was able to run over there and hose the kid off in the bathroom. But that's not inconvenient, right? Oh and we had no AC that day either. Stellar.

That started a downward spiral of events and emotions for me that I am just now starting to come out of. Still no car. Made up with The Husband after the previous posting but then after all the water damage and subsequent repairs, we got into it again. It wasn't a nice night, and he pretty much told me it wasn't his job to make me happy, so if I didn't like my life, I could leave. That both hurt me and made me laugh. I would like to see how he copes with a week alone with these two crumb snatchers. He'd be begging me to come back. Because as much as he claims that he would love to be a SAHD, he doesn't have the patience for it. He can't even make them a meal without asking me to write down instructions. Um... it's a PBJ, not beef wellington! The "c" word came back again (constistency) and I just want to know are there ANY Mommies of 2+ kids out there who have exactly the same schedule day-in and day-out? My kids are spazoids and all over the place. Are your homes spotless and clutter free? Do you have a precise menu of meals planned for each day of the week? I've found a lot of Mommy blogs recently and it sounds like I am not as alone as I feel. If you DO have a spotless house, perfectly planned meals and perfectly behaved children... suck it.

I've always felt better after writing things down, so I'm going to try and post more often. And since it was brought to my attention that I sound like a victim, know that I am not trying to sounds like one. I have never been a victim and I'm not going to turn into one. I'm just an overwhelmed Mom trying to get it together. So offer to help or get the hell out of the way. Adios people.