Reality Check

Dear Miss Priss,
I hope you had a safe flight home. I hope you had a nice visit while you were here. I hope your feet don't hurt from all that walking you did in DC wearing flip flops. But mostly I hope that one day soon you will GROW.THE.FUCK.UP. Seriously? Temper tantrums, moodiness, whining, lack of communication... I sound like I am describing my 4 year old, not a 22 year old woman about to graduate from college!! You are one of the most selfish, rude, and completely oblivious people I have ever encountered. I was absolutely floored. I gave you a gift - you did not thank me even once. And I'm sorry, but "oh, cool" does not mean THANK YOU! You wear 1/4" flat flip flops (designer flip flops, to boot!) to walk around DC all day long and then complain that you are tired and your feet hurt. News flash: flat shoes + lots of walking + big feet = tired, cramped feet. You claim to be somewhat of a "fashionista"... shouldn't you know that by now? And maybe, just maybe, when everyone around you is pitching in to clean up a meal that you took 2nds and probably 3rds from, you could put the iPhone down for like 5 minutes and throw some napkins away?

Now, what I am most upset about is that you have no idea - NONE! - about how to function on your own in the real world. You have an unrealistic view of life... and part of that is yo' mama's fault. At 22 years old, I had moved MYSELF across the entire country four times. FOUR. I was working my 3rd professional full time job and living on my own. Paying my own bills. Ruining my own credit. My Mommy was not paying all my bills and depositing money into my account so I could go to concerts and shop, take some classes and pretend to work. Yes, that's right, pretend to work. Showing people empty apartments is NOT real work. Making 25 copies of a document at 8am that you stayed up until 3am editing and then distributing them at a 9am department meeting and then taking the minutes of the meeting is REAL WORK. Spending the night in a dark, empty pet store counting all the GOLDFISH is REAL WORK. Teaching adult women, such as yourself, how to wax someone's legs is REAL WORK. Walking around playing Vanna White is not.

One day you will wake up and it will be YOUR responsibility to pay for your own car, gas, insurance, rent, electricity, water, cell phone bill... see where I'm going with this? And I don't mean just paying the bill. I mean EARNING the MONEY that you need to pay those bills. Regular shopping sprees at name brand stores with your Mom is not normal. What you spent on shopping and eating during your visit would pay for my kids diapers for 3-4 months. You need to wake up and realize that you have been spoiled your whole life and soon... oh, so very soon, it's going to stop. And then you'll be freaking out. Please do yourself a favor and don't come crying to me.

Oh, and if you aren't going to meet someone when you say you will, do the decent thing and let them know beforethey waste their entire day waiting on your fat ass.

Sincerely,
Your Cousin

PS You are not a size 10. Quit wearing short that a 12 year old couldn't even fit into. Thigh cheese is not cute.